For all who manage everything, everywhere, all at once. This is for you.

Are you the person everyone turns to help, fix, manage, handle, control, etc?

Do you wonder how this role became your identity? Maybe you’re a caregiver, a parent, or you are the go-to person in everyone’s life, there are ways to put yourself on your priority list of who needs to be cared for and given time for peace, comfort, laughter, joy, and time off. 

We all have habits born out of beliefs we learned growing up. Maybe some of these beliefs came about organically because you got praise for being so capable and independent, or that you were such a responsible child, everyone could count on you to handle whatever was asked of you… maybe you felt the need to handle everything because you grew up with a lot of chaos and turmoil and you found ways to feel in control and create some peace monitoring others’ moods and behaviors, and initially this ability felt good and very necessary and important.

Whatever your history might be that has informed your attitudes and behaviors today, changes are both possible and doable.

Let’s start with the concept that “just because you can do something, it doesn’t mean you should.”

All too often we operate from a place of fear. Fear that someone will be upset, angry, disappointed, frustrated with us if we don’t take care of something, or fear that we’ll be judged or criticized for not taking care of something, or fear that we’ll feel guilty if we don’t step up as we usually do, etc.

These thoughts are powerful and demanding. My goal here is to help you see that just because you are used to listening to- and obeying these thoughts doesn’t mean you have to continue to do so. Yes, you will feel uncomfortable if you “disobey”, but let’s be honest with ourselves. You also feel uncomfortable giving in to those thoughts and beliefs, so now we can choose which discomfort we are willing to live with.

Point to consider: In any given situation, someone may feel disappointed, sad, frustrated, upset, and it doesn’t always have to be you.

What is your desired outcome? (a desired outcome must be what you want, NOT what you don’t want, and it must be something over which you, yourself, have control) Do you want to feel relaxed, comfortable, happy, joyful, etc? Do you believe you’re allowed to have these feelings? Do you know or remember what these emotions even feel like? When was the last time you experienced any of these emotions? When did life become just more stress, tension, ‘same old, same old’ and overwhelm?

Here’s the thing, each day is a series of moments,(1,440 minutes/day) and we can choose to allow ourselves to feel good, peaceful, calm, etc. in any one of those given moments. What if you take just a minute or 2 in any given day to bring in feelings of peace, serenity, joy, etc.? It’s about stepping off the treadmill, or hamster-wheel of life and take a moment for your own peace, joy, laughter. Yes, it is a choice. Stay on autopilot or consciously choose to take a moment to stop, breathe, and focus on you.

Stop, take a long, slow, deep breath and let your neck and shoulders unwind. Take the load of responsibility off and simply breathe, repeat to yourself: “No talking, just breathing, no talking, just breathing.”  Notice how you feel.

We can build on these minutes, but we can at the very least start with 1 minute… If we want to feel some peacefulness and serenity, we have to start somewhere. Every minute we take for our self-care counts. We can break the cycle of handling everything, everywhere, all at once, but we have to be willing to start somewhere, and taking a minute can be a really good place… and we breathe.