This is a message for anyone who finds themselves in a caregiver role, whether personally or professionally, full time or part time. A role that many adults find themselves in these days! This is about helping you to avoid burnout – a tremendous risk caregivers face, and even those who may not label themselves caregivers, but are the “go-to” fixers, rescuers, givers, &/or doers. A commitment to care for others shouldn’t bankrupt your own health or happiness!
We are all living in stressful times, and as we enter the holiday season, stress really ramps up; family gatherings, holiday parties, increased obligations and responsibilities, the pressures to “be happy”, etc. It’s time to acknowledge your needs and feelings through life’s stresses and connect to your resilience. This means acknowledging your strengths that help you handle all the curve balls life throws at you… This is about giving yourself credit. (and we breathe)
It’s understandable that you may sometimes feel that life is getting you down – and blame yourself for not doing more, being more stoic, unflappable or just plain TOUGH. Has it been part of your life story and experiences that you are the person who can handle anything and everything, and now it just seems it’s expected of you without reservation or question by others?
The truth is, especially if we’re also mentally overstimulated with too many commitments, physically fatigued, spiritually malnourished and/or nutritionally depleted, that we will feel stressed, overwhelmed, frustrated, annoyed and exhausted.
This is where that word “fine” comes into play… How often, when asked how you are, do you answer with the perfunctory, “I’m Fine”. Well, think about whether my perception of Fine resonates for you:
Frazzled Irritated Neurotic Exhausted.
Right? We’re all just fine…
It’s time to start paying greater attention to yourself, and this is NOT about being selfish, this is about Self-Preservation… The greatest gift you can give to others is to love and care for yourself.
Here are “5 Steps toward Taking as good care of yourself as you do of those you love” –
- Honor and Respect Your Feelings.We all want to feel validated, and validation of how you feel has to start with you. It’s not your feelings that get you into trouble, it’s your actions. So, acknowledge, respect, and accept your feelings. Sit with them, just as you would sit with a best friend who’s feeling bad… No talking, just allowing… with compassion and understanding. Maybe you need to scream into a pillow, cry in the shower, stamp your feet, etc… allow the feelings. Feelings do ebb and flow and want to be seen, heard, and validated. No judgments.
- And We Breathe. As the intensity of your feelings begins to ebb, take some slow deep breaths. This gives you space to process, think more clearly, and to be less reactive and more responsive to whatever the situation or circumstance may be that you are facing. While the situation may not change, your perspective of it can.
- What’s Your Desired Outcome? A desired outcome has to fit 2 requirements: It must be what you want, (NOT what you don’t want) and it must be something over which you have control. So you can look at changes you can choose to make going forward to handle whatever might be in front of you.
- I Deserve and I Am Allowed to Feel Good. All too often we go through life on auto pilot, and while you may not feel “bad”, you may also not be connecting to whether or not you feel “good”. Maybe you’re just feeling numb. It’s time to allow some good feelings into your system. (Start with simple things like truly enjoying the aroma of fresh brewed coffee, seeing a beautiful sunrise or sunset, laughing with a friend, enjoying a movie or TV show… really connect to how you feel in these moments, and let them in.)
- Who I Am Is Enough. Being enough is NOT about all you do, but about WHO you are. Remind yourself daily of your qualities that make you the loving, caring, understanding friend, partner, son, daughter, who is also kind, compassionate, witty, fun, etc… Regularly, and often give yourself credit and appreciation for being YOU.
These steps will help you connect to how resilient you really are. If you need extra support or guidance in this process, you can access the Step By Step Guide I created… Click here (https://lorengelberggoff.ac-page.com/stepbystepguide)
“How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you.”
and we breathe
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