Do you really want what you say you want?

Sounds like a silly question, right? But in reality, sometimes we think that wishing and hoping a particular good thing will happen for us is the same thing as working toward it. And instead, without realizing it, by doing all that wishing and hoping we are sometimes creating the exact opposite outcome.

How is that possible, you ask?

Well, let’s say your thoughts often wistfully focus on what seems like a distant dream, and your actions in the present moment are busily dedicated to handling the concerns of your current life. You are, in essence, avoiding doing anything that would help achieve your dream, and literally reinforcing the idea of that outcome being at a distance.

By not taking any steps to get there, and continuing to hold it as just a “nice idea” in your mind, you are telling yourself over and over, “I don’t really mean that I want that, I just think it sounds nice!” So your subconscious writes it off as something to basically ignore, while it directs you to take care of what it knows really matters to you (like the daily responsibilities of your current life: your job, your family, etc.).

If you find yourself consistently and over a long time NOT taking actions that would make your desired outcome a reality (also known as procrastination!), you might want to take
a harder look at that outcome. It’s just possible you don’t really want it!

For instance, maybe you realize that having it would actually be a lot of work, and the kind of work it would take is just not something you’re interested in doing. Or maybe you’re not thrilled about other aspects of that result, such as creating changes in your family time, your social life or your support community that would leave you unhappy. In cases like that, your avoidance is actually taking good care of you!

But let’s say there’s nothing that you know of so far that makes that outcome unappealing to you.

Another challenge of defining desired outcomes you want to achieve is that you can’t really know what it’s like to be “over there” until you get there, unless you make a point of finding out a lot about it in advance. If you haven’t accurately predicted all the details of the experience, and how it will feel to you, then at least some of it may turn out to be disappointing or frustrating once you’ve achieved it.

If you don’t know these things, how do you really know that’s what you want? Because other people who have that seem happy? Looks can be deceiving! Also, someone with a different personality and set of values from yours may well have a different reaction to the same circumstances.

So let’s do a little experiment. Think about your biggest, most longed-for desired outcome.

Can you honestly say that you know what it takes to have that? If it involves a different way of living, do you know what would be required to maintain that over the long term? See how much you can state with confidence about the who, what, when, where, how and why about having that outcome. How will those very real details affect you once you get there?

For example, you need to know that being extremely wealthy, if that is your wish, would require you to spend a lot of time thinking about how to manage your investments. Or it would mean trusting someone else to do that. What if you don’t want to, or don’t know how to, manage your money? And what if you have a deep suspicion of other people’s motives, or doubts about other people’s competence, such that you would constantly be worrying that anyone you asked to help you manage your funds might steer you wrong?


The 3 keys in choosing and working toward your desired outcomes are:

  • Being very specific about the result or circumstances you want, and about how you want to feel once you have it. This helps you match the probable real-world version of that result, which you’ll be learning about as you gather information, with whether or not it will actually enable you to feel that way.
  • Visualizing having that result, and being in those circumstances. in as much accurate detail as possible…get all your senses involved.
  • Consciously and consistently taking actions every day that are designed to move you in the direction of that outcome


So…what do you say you want? More love in your life? A better relationship with your spouse? More money? A better job?

Use the three steps above to test the desired outcome you say you want against the total picture you would actually experience if you achieve it. Learn as much as you can about having that outcome, and create a “map” of how to get there from where you are. Make a commitment to take some step, however small, every day that will lead you to that outcome.

As long as you remain clear and still passionately committed, keep taking steps and making adjustments along the way as you continue to learn more about what you really want and how to get there, you’re sure to experience success – because the success is in the committed, consistent action! Taking action affirms in each moment that you are worth it, and that you and your dreams matter!

I wish for you the attainment of everything you really want…and that you always remember to BREATHE through every decision point and action step. It will sustain you through the (hopefully just occasional) setbacks, and will give you more energy and power when you need them in a challenging moment.

It will also enable you to pause and celebrate your wins more consciously and thoroughly – and you deserve that!


Stay tuned for the June newsletter next week, when I’ll teach you more about how to avoid pushing away your dreams and the gifts that are rightfully yours!

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